Jeffrey Michael 12-30-1988 * +

"I'll lend you for a while a child of mine," He said.
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead.
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It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
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He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief."
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"I cannot promise he will stay; since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
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I've looked the wide world over in My search for teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have chosen you.
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Now will you give him all your love, not think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to take him back again?"
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"I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we run.
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We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay;
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But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand!"

God's Poem by Edgar Guest.

This poem always makes me cry. It means so much to me.

20 years ago this evening - I was pregnant with our last baby (at least the last one we knew about - because of our history, we were not going to have any other biological children).

Jeffrey (although we thought he was Jessica until he entered the world) - had given us quite a scare for the past 3 months. He was suffering from a congenital kidney problem that had caused him to no longer have amniotic fluid.

Without the fluid, his lungs were in jeopardy of not developing completely or correctly. We did everything the doctors instructed us to do -- literally putting our life on hold to give him any possible chance to survive.

20 years ago tonight, we did not know that December 30, 1988 we would meet our precious Jeffrey & within 2 hours say good bye to him as well.

Everything that we had done and tried, did not save him. His lungs did not develop & even with multiple specialists working on him - he did not survive.

Dear Jeffrey - I think of you often. I know that if you had stayed on this earth - you would have had a long difficult struggle to live. I know that if you had survived the lung problems - you were facing dialysis & kidney transplants (if you even qualified for that).

But that doesn't make it easier to not have you - my brain knows that you are better off. My heart knows that I am not. It's hard. And the last sentence of the above poem is always what gets me....."And try to understand".

I don't understand.

Ghost of Christmas Past

Amie's sleeping & the "boys" (all three of them) are watching the Bears game -- so I am trying to organize photos! Big Task!!

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Look what I came across!!

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This was taken at the old Duffield house, not positive of the year, but am guessing about 1993ish.

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Christopher is standing, Tabby & Alanna are sitting on the chair & from left to right on the floor is Ashley, Adam & Timmothy!

Aren't they all too cute!!!

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Tabby & Alanna both have kids of their own now! Where does time go??

Christmas Round Three

Christmas Morning began at 5 AM!! Morning Brothers! It is so completely different then when the boys were young! There was not one single Christmas where the boys got up extra early and woke us up to see if Santa had come! We always had to wake them up!!

But 2008 was completely different! Miss Amie didn't go to bed until 10pm. She put out her cookies and milk for Santa & headed to bed. If you remember we've had quite the story this season about "Kaus Eat Amie Cookies". So, we have continued to work with her that everybody leaves cookies out for Santa & he leaves presents for the kids.

So......I think she believed it!! At 5am instead of coming into our room, or calling our name -- we heard her get up and head straight down stairs!! I jumped up & went after her. Told her we had to wake her brothers up & go potty first! So, she went potty & then one by one woke everybody up!!


The brothers don't look very awake here!!




She got a talking doll house from Santa.

Daddy helping Amie open her stocking stuffers.
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Ok -- these next couple of pictures are hard to explain -- but hang with me!

Darwin has been an Iowa fan for many years & Chris has followed in his footsteps. When Illini had a phenomenol season a few years back -- Tim became an Illinois fan. So -- the teasing, tormenting has been going on for quite some time. Tim is one and Darwin & Chris are two. So....I bought Tim an Illini shirt, I bought myself an Illini shirt, Darwin & Chris Hawkeye shirts & Amie one of each!! I wraped 5 boxes and put inside a big box that was the last thing to open to the "Miller Family".

Tim got his shirt opened first -- I got mine opened second....

Then I got this look from Darwin & Chris. They thought for sure I had gotten them Illini shirts!!! But they got their Hawkeye shirts & then we opened Amie's to show that she will support both sides!

Here's Amie with some of her presents! She loves her tool bench! She loves helping Daddy with all the projects!

Amie has just unwrapped her Kitchen! She was pretty happy with it!

This is her doing her George impression on top of her kitchen box! She loves Curious George & does a pretty good immitation!

You know -- sometimes a box is just as good as a toy!

After everything is opened -- Hurricane Amie had a field day!!

She's cutting some of her vegtables (they velcro together & you cut them apart with a wooden knife)!

And then look at that look!!! I keep telling you!! We're in trouble!!!

Christmas Round Two

Christmas Eve has always been the Miller side of the family Christmas.

On Christmas Eve we went to Grandma Miller's again -- it was actually fairly quiet (something very unusual for Grandma Miller's house!!).

Just the 5 of us & Grandma & three of her 4 kids she has right now.

Amie again did an AWESOME job of passing out presents!

Look at these next two! Can we say Ornery???!!!

It was a quiet night - we enjoyed the peace of a fairly calm house. Ate too much, opened presents & played cards!

Christmas Round One

We used to call this the "Hays Christmas" -- but that's probably not a good descriptor any more!

We typically have the "Hays kids" with their families & Barb & Betty & her clan together for a Christmas celebration. But we typically do it at Betty's house because of space & wheelchair accessibility.

We have the young kids draw names for exchange (Tim still participates in this -- because he would not handle the adult game). Then once they are off playing (or napping) we have the adult game.

The adult game was originated by my cousins in Washington (waving to Sal-Mer-Ron-Ray)!! Well probably not originated by them -- but that's where we heard about it! So each adult buys a gift and wraps it. Then we draw numbers. Number one gets to open the gift of their choice. Number two can steal number ones or open a different gift. And so on. It's always a lot of fun to see how creative we adults can be & how much coniving everyone can be to get the gift of their choice (there is a 3 times stolen & it's "dead" rule too)!



Tiara and I bought matching sweaters -- don't we look stylish -- or nerdy --- one of the two!

Here's the three young girls all dressed up!! Miss Kylee in the center. Amie on the right & the little girl that Tiara babysits for (Carly) on the left. Carly is exactly one year younger than Amie -- but talks up a blue streak!!!

Chris didn't get to participate because he worked. But he stopped by during his lunch.

Tim was as happy as a clam! Just look at that sweatshirt!! Right up his alley!!

Here's Miss Kylee & Janet -- isn't Kylee looking more and more like her Mom!!??!!

Amie & Carly having a conversation -- isn't it sweet!

Amie LOVED handing out presents!!

All the girls helping Carly open her present!

Amie helping Aunt Beth & Kylee make a bracelet

Christmas 2008

Christmas comes but once a year, as a popular song states.

What is Christmas - Jesus is the reason for the season. That phrase was coined several years ago & is a good way to keep the focus of the season in perspective.

Whatever your faith, spiritual believes or thoughts are -- this is a very special time of year.

When my boys were young & first began questioning whether Santa was real, I explained to them, that even if there is not an actual Santa Claus there is most definitely a Santa spirit that shows up during the Christmas season. So many times during the year, we may think - "I should stop and help that person." or "I should thank that person" -- but because we are busy, we pass on by or forget to make that call. It is only during the Christmas season that things get put into a bit more perspective & we stop to say thank you or to lend a helping hand whenever it's possible.

So -- if I haven't said thank you or I am glad you are a part of my life lately -- I'd like to take a moment to say that now.

Each person is put into someone's life for a reason. I am writing this blog for a reason. You are reading it for a reason. Neither of us know what the reason is yet! (Which to me is one of the things I struggle with -- the constant "why" in life!) But I appreciate each person that has touched my life over the years. I have taken something away from everyone I have met. And I hope that I have been able to offer something to others in my life.

Merry Christmas to all & May God Bless you in the new year!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to our Friends and Family far and near!!!

"Amie's Kitchen"

OK -- not sure if it is because she "knows" what she's getting -- or because she thinks that because she has asked and asked and asked and asked for a kitchen that she thinks the box under the tree for her is "Amie's Kitchen".

Seriously -- she has asked for this particular kitchen a million times since Brother Chris so kindly brought home a toy catalog. It is the one of about 3 things that she asks for over and over and over again.

So -- I decided that I would get it for her. Wrapped it up & as soon as she saw it she said, "Amie's Kitchen" pointing at the box!!


Tell me -- does this box look like a kitchen? How does she even know what size box the kitchen would come in?? It has to be put together!!!

PB&J with brother

With the ice storm on Friday -- I decided to leave Amie with Big Brother Chris. He didn't have to work & that way I didn't have to take her to Grandma's.

I came home at lunch to check on everybody -- Brother had made her a PB&J! I think she liked it!!

Ice Storm December 2008

We knew we were in for a pretty significant ice storm on Thursday night. It didn't turn out to be quite as bad as it could have been -- and I don't think it was as bad as the ice storm from February this year.

This is what it looked like out the east side of the house. Lot's of ice on the windows looking that direction.


Our back yard was completely ice covered, including Missy's play house & the big tree! Kind of pretty if you don't have to go anywhere!!

God's Kids Play at Bethel

God's Kids at Bethel put on a fantastic play this year! Miss Kylee did an awesome job in her roles!! She was singing & playing like a professional actress!!

Look at the joy on her face!!!

Miss Amie was keeping a close eye on what Miss Kylee was doing!

Guess who one of the Mom volunteers was??

During the show Amie yelled, "My Shawn". She was right! After the play, her came over to her and hugged her!

RIP Caylee

Rest In Peace beautiful little Caylee. Her remains were identified today. Since she was found in a garbage bag less than a 1/4 a mile from her grandparents home...it just seems as likely as ever that she was killed by her mother, because of jealousy, mental derangement or for whatever reason.

Why do parents kill? If you don't want to be a parent -- then let someone else raise them that will cherish them! There are so many precious children out there that are living through HELL or killed before they have a chance to defend themselves!

I am saddened -- I believe wholeheartedly that her grandparents loved her with all their hearts. I have other thoughts about them being in denial & protecting their daughter that most likely killed this little angel, but they loved her & treated her well!

And to think that her mother most likely killed her & then literally threw her away in a garbage bag. No dignity for her little body that was ravenged by animals for almost 6 months. I am sick & hope that Casey is hung out to dry!!

Recent Birthdays!

August Birthday -- Nephew Adam (Handsome young man -- must have gotten it from his mother's side of the family!!) ;)

November Birthday -- Niece Ashley! Ashley graduates this coming May & has signed with Ashland College in Clinton for Track and Field!! Way to go Ashley!

December birthday -- Niece Tabetha! Raising two young boys & working on her RN degree!! Keep it up Tab!!

Grandma Hays had her birthday this last weekend! Happy Birthday Grandma! Still Young at heart -- right Grandma!!